Personality cocktailFrom
Go-Quiz.com
ahh... all of u... surprised im back ? hahahahhaha
well i have no idea if my post from the airport on d way to BAli was published and frankly i dont care.
exams r in two days and i cant seem to muster up enough energy to care enough to actually fucking study. its like... i wanna stay in colllege.. i wanna have a good life but i cant help myself along
i need divine intervention... hopefully in the form of some really awesome looking guy. oh god. speaking of which.. MJ is like a parched desert in the tropical rainforest of life. makes the guys in TK look like sex gods. HAHAHAHAHHAHA
yeah
right
sex GODS ? *snort*
well maybe not that bad but oh MAN....*SOB SOB SOB*.....yeah well im really annoyed with myself but i cant get out of this rut i seem to have gotten myself into last year. actually not last yr but the first time i actually hit rock bottom was in sec 3. can u imagine being like this for 2 whole yrs ? its a fucking wonder i managed to stay ins chool. attribute it to my genius brain.
hmmm ok for those of u who have no clue... i had 3 nervous breakdonws in the course of 2 yrs. in sec 2.. i had a bad bad breakdown just before the mid yrs. iw as crying and panicking and almost drove myself to a fever , coz i thought the geography exam was one day away when actually it was 2 days away.
it was then i got like...more relaxed. ok maybe not relaxed.. i kinda.. slacked off. yeah. i stopped doin all my hw.. copied all of it off of marilyn. *heeez* who happened to sit next to me tt yr..then in the finals i tried to study in scraped into the DOuble Sciene stream.
i was all geared up to work during the hols.. before school began.. but when it did...i just cldnt. it was bad. then..i cant remeber what happened..
*this always happens when somehting particularly awful happens to me.. i did research on it.. its called. scar tissue.. imagine having chunks of time in ur head with no memories in them. itS AWFUL*
and i ahd another breakdonw.. but not before i scraped thuyr my mid yrs...with OK grades. then...i went thru a very bad period of depression and hit rock bottom with the term 3 common tests and had another nervous breakdown.. and that was it
after that were the final yr exams.. and they were awful it felt like someone was in my head 24/7. everytime i tried to study..i'd hear sounds and things.. n i jumped and i got so scared i wld just crawl into my bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep.
so for the first time in my life.. i failed. as in i failed for a major exam. and not one.. not two.. but three subjects.
WOW. neat huh ? story of my life. and ive been here since then. cant get myself outta this rut. im trying.. but its hard. can u imagine no one knew abt this until after my o level results ? oh..w ell.. maril knew coz i told her..but i managed to properly peice everything together just on the night beofre th O level results came out.
phew huh ? what a time to make a discovery like this. so if u have read previous entires..and seen me say *it* or *that incident* well.. this is what i was talking about. and no one in my family every knew. even npw only my mom does.. but if sindhu reads this... she'll know too.
sorry if ive depressed you.
:D
so... on a lighter note... actually.. no.. tis not a lighter note.. all my relatives r gone. oh yeah. so...sepulchural silence is the word. but its not as bad as it used to be. i used to be upset for weeks before. but my younger cousins will be coming back in 2 weeks.. ad this week i was supposed to be studying but wld u believe that in 4 days i ahve only managed to read 2 geo lectures ? talk abt productivity.
so... i guess i better go. gd luck for all of ur exams. ciaoz.
5:58 pm;can you keep a secret?