well the people pver at NVPC have not contacted me to do anything for 'em yet. i slept at 5 last night.. sindhu was at my house. my friend and i were chatting on MSN about like.. how terrible it is to grow up and how we both wish we cld stay like 8 forever. i could cry. i watched Peter Pan ydae and i almost desperately wish that i cld freeze time the way he did and NEVER have to grow up. NEVERLAND. oh dear. then there are some days where i dearly wish i could be like 27 with my own apartment and a job. living elsewhere..somewhere FAr FAR away. like Milan. how terribly romantic......
aniwae i wanted to tell you. i had a dream last night. Ok..it goes like this. something happened in my family , concerning i dunno what and nobody wanted to tell me. my parents and aunt were summmoned to court and my aunt was dragged off to jail. next thing i hear she has gotten the death sentence.
so i am obviously disbelieving.but then it sinks in. DEATH sentence. like as in she is really going to DIE. like she will never be there if i reach for her again, never scold me or hug me or anything. She is given one week with us before going into jail. in this one week she gets sicker and sicker and in 3 days she is bed ridden. i dunnoe how this sounds to u but to me it was so real me heart stopped and i was crying in my sleep. coz my aunt brought me up same as my mother and i am very close to her. i eman i hate her sometimes, wish she would go away alot but like i was terrified to the point of breaking yesterday. And death sentence is not something u can reverse. then suddenly i think my heart skipped a beat n in my tears in my sleep woke me up and i realised it was just a dream and my aunt was only in india having treatment for her bad back. i almost cried again from relief, it was pouring over me in crashing waves....
this may seem like i am crazy to you but my dreams have always scare me coz they always ended up being like symbolic. when i was 6 i dreamt i had to leave my house coz i was getting married and i cried worse than a baby into my pillow and when i was 8 i REALLY had to leave my house.......ok u r totally losing me here i noe. .
do u guys understand post traumatic stress syndrome ? i dunnoe its hard for people to get it. ok maybe i have said too much. i dont think anyone will ever get it.
PS: 17........its not the years, its the mileage ( What Happened to Lani Garver)
6:22 pm;can you keep a secret?
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